Jumbled Thoughts

As I sit here awake with a puking...no not kid...dog, I have time to sort out my jumbled thoughts that have been giving me anxiety. I'm a little more on the Obsessive Compulsive side and when things aren't in order I get a little freaked out. When I get freaked out I don't sleep well, don't eat well and am overly emotional. This can cause a little disturbance in my normal routine. This is what I've come up with:

I need some fun. By this I mean that I need to leave the normal routine and do something without a timed schedule or restrictions. I love to be spontaneous! Throw everything out the window and take off. This friday I intend on being spontaneous. I know I can't "plan" to be "spontaneous" on friday but I'm throwing responsibilities out the window and the kids and I are going to have some fun. Since the kids don't love the traditional blue background school pictures we decided not to buy them this year. We're going on Cedar Mountain to take our own. I'm not a professional and don't have the high-tech camera but we're going to give it a shot. The purpose is to have a good time, relax and hopefully get a good shot of each of the kids at some point.

My kids need to be kids. Rob and I ask them to do their own laundry once a week, get good grades and clean their rooms daily. Occasionally I ask for some help with the dishes or other housework but it's not a daily occurrence. I've made a conscious decision that they need some down time after school. They're all involved in activities that take up a lot of free time after school. I think they need time to play and be kids instead of filling that time with more work. But as I've come to this conclusion I've realized that the extra housework falls on my shoulders. I can deal with a little more work now that my mind is a little clearer on the purpose of not requiring help from kids. As I told the kids why I don't ask much extra work for them, they understood the importance of doing the little I do ask. It was probably the first time I've vocalized that to Rob also.

I need more ME time. When I get caught up working around the house

and running kids around I lose my down time. I'm going to take time to get a coke...ALONE. Run to the store...ALONE.Go to the bathroom...ALONE. I might even paint my nails, watch a documentary, or just sit on the couch. I'm tired of taking time to relax after everyone, including Rob, is asleep. I don't get to sleep until about 3am and it's no wonder that I want to sleep in till 11. It won't be drastic or lengthy just a few moments to recharge. I'm going to find a new project. Maybe paint another room or start building a headboard for Rob and I's bed. Something to use my talents and a distraction from responsibility.

I need to let things go. If someone else isn't willing to work on it then I can't make them(as much as I think they should). This is the control part of my obsessive personality. I'm not going to remind, encourage or ask if no one else cares. My dad always said "Only worry about the things that you can control." As much as it irritates the crud out of me, I'm done working on other peoples problems. This is a hard one but has eliminated a lot of stress so far.

I'm not a rock. I'm a feminine ball of emotional jello. I've been thinking that if I just hold on things will get better and easier. I've been holding onto that last little thread for quite a while. Well, I let go and the world didn't fall apart. Tonight my kids saw me cry and it didn't scar them for life (hopefully). Today I did the best I could, I made mistakes, apologized for them and tried again. I don't have to be the rock that holds everything together all the time. It's ok if my kids aren't always content and happy. It's better if they aren't. And sometimes it's ok for them to see that mama's have feelings too. I'm so grateful for my husband who had a parenting genius moment today. He balances me and is a great dad. I needed him today and he was amazing.

I miss my daddy. The fall season is hard because of his sharp decline in health and death at the beginning of Nov. But also because it's the season for sports and he's not here to watch, talk and enjoy them with. He's not physically here to watch Kason be quarterback for his team. He's not here to give Dallon a high-five after his game with 4 sacks. He's not here to give AJ a "wow" as he does front flips on the grass. He's not here to give carnations to the girls after their dance review as he did my sisters and I. My dad may have been an incredible athlete but he knew all his dance terminology and could do many of the moves. I'm past being angry but I miss his hugs and his smell.

I'm a lucky girl and am thankful for all my blessings and gifts. There are many times that I hope my shortcomings and weaknesses can be filled by the Spirit and my Father in Heaven. I depend on Him to lead me and occasionally smack me with a spiritual 2x4. Sure, there are things I want but I'm grateful for what I have. Sometimes I feel like I don't measure up, I'm not as good as so-and-so, and get down on myself. These are the times that I need to remember that I'm good enough for Rob. I'm good enough for my family, kids and friends. I'm good enough and loved enough that my Savior died for me as I would for many I know. He thinks I matter, a lot.

Good Intentions Don't Help Overwhelmed

There are so many things that I "intend" to do. Yes, they're on the to-do list but seem to get transferred to the next to-do list. Most days I'm trying to keep up let alone get to the extra things I'd like to do.
I'm grateful there are men/women that are willing to coach my kids teams. Scout leaders that watch out and help my sons get their badges. Teachers that help my children push themselves and succeed. As for me, I'm glad everyone is in bed and it's finally quiet.
As I look around my house there are so many veggies(also known as my green things) that have taken over my kitchen table that I need to tend to. Bags of clothes that need to be taken to the thrift store and donated. Laundry bins of the boys clothes that they need to be motivated to fold and put away. It goes on and on from there with dishes, dusty shelves and floors that desperately need to be mopped. Although, I did get my droopy plant watered and it's looking much more perky.
Most days I don't have the energy or desire to clean for hours on end. After the kids get home from school I end up spending most of the time in my car driving kids to and from various activities while cooking dinner in the spare moments. By 8pm it's time to make sure everyone has eaten, all homework has been corrected, kids showered, reading time, tying up loose ends with the kids, scripture and prayer. All accomplished by 9:00 bedtime 9:15 lights out. My kids should probably be in bed by 8 but I never get it all done to send them to bed at 8.
That leaves the morning when Colten is in Kindergarten, after lunch before the kids get home at 3 or late at night when they're all in bed. Since I'm a terrible morning person (think trying to take steak away from a hungry bear) that time is ruled out. I absolutely love going back to bed and sleeping in for a while. Add a diet coke on that and you get a happy mom. Some things I do get done in the afternoon like feeding/watering the chickens, picking my green things, running to the store. That doesn't leave hours for cleaning the house. Now all I'm left with is cleaning late into the night. I don't mind cleaning late at night. But by the time the kids are put to bed, leftovers are in the fridge and living room floor is picked up it's after 10pm. I'm EXHAUSTED!
These next 2 days I have already given my kids a heads up that mama is cleaning. I'm throwing crap away. The clutter is leaving my home. The kids are on their own for dinner cuz cleaning is my focus. I'll probably work myself into the ground and sleep all day Sunday but darn it, my house won't drive my crazy anymore.
Maybe next week I'll be able to get around to doing things I've intended to do, like fix my broken freezer so we can put all the food back into it.

Boy oh Boy

There are some phrases that I'm positive my mom never said to us girls:

"There will be NO light sabers at the dinner table."

"We are not running wind-sprints in the livingroom."

"No, you may not take your sword to t-ball practice."

"Please take your cape off your head for family prayer."

"Yes, girls fart to but they don't think it's funny."

Raising kids can be a difficult job. Boys are much different than girls and need different parenting. Boys are rough and tough and very physical. Girls are more emotionally led.
My boys are fun and I try hard to raise them with an awareness of always trying to be a gentleman. Someone told me that a true gentleman isn't seen anymore. I beg to differ. I have 4 little gentlemen in my house. They carry groceries, open doors and offer assistance to other women in public. I true gentleman is taught by his mother, in my opinion. If I don't require them to treat me like a lady then how are they going to learn to treat other women? My boys are also expected to treat their sisters like ladies. And my daughters are in the process of learning how to be a lady.
I do have moments when I see my little gentlemen emerge without a little coaxing from mom. My daughter was getting ready for dance and was struggling with putting on her ballet skirt. One of my sons walked over to her and offered to help her put it on since he'd seen mom do it a hundred time. He walked her thru the process and proceeded to tie her ballet skirt on offering to help again. That's my gentleman in the making.

I'm a compulsive list maker

Whenever I intend on leaving the house and have more than 1 thing to do, I make a list. Getting ready for tomorrow isn't any different. Things on my list? Baby food for Kristy, church clothes for the family, camera, and the list continues. I follow in my father's footsteps as far as lists go. Anyone remember the "note card"?! I'm not that bad...yet.
Tomorrow we're heading to Cedar City for AJ's baptism and to ordain Kason a Deacon. Time flys! I can't believe my oldest is receiving the priesthood and my youngest is receiving the Holy Ghost. Thank heavens Rob and I have Colten so we still have a little one. Ok, he's 6 so not that little but you get my drift.
I was so worried that AJ wasn't ready for baptism. Out of all my kids he's the wild one. I didn't think he understood until his interview. In the interview he said the Holy Ghost is like our new best friend for eternity. I knew then that it would all work out and he had heard some of the things I'd been saying. AJ's nervous but really excited.
Kason isn't quite sure what to think about receiving the priesthood. He and Rob have talked a lot about it and some of the responsibilities that come with it. I can tell he's nervous when he talks to me on the phone for a half hour. Kason is such a great kid and will work to be worthy of all priesthood blessings. We went over the fact that all he has to do is sit and fold his arms. The men will take care of the rest.
Then that leaves Dallon. He was a pest today but for good reason. He's the only one that isn't being recognized tomorrow. That's tough to handle especially when he feels overshadowed frequently. I may put him on official camera duty and haul him all over with me.
The girls, Kim and Beth, and Colten are once again along for the ride. They adore their brothers and are excited to be going tomorrow. I'm proud of how supportive they are.
I know tomorrow is going to be a special day and full of laughs and love. I know my heart will sting when my Grandpa Gil is a witness and not my Daddy. I know he'll be there but I miss him and these types of events bring it to the surface. A few tears will be shed for the absence of my Dad and the joy of watching my boys.
As I've sat and pondered tomorrows events, it occurred to me that I need to add to my list! Off I go so nothing is forgotten or left behind.

Back to the Beginning

Many know how Rob and I met, many don't.

About 5 years ago I met the man of my dreams. Rob and I talked for about 3 wks before we decided a first date was in order. I knew that I had to get to St. George to meet this guy. After some babysitter scheduling I was ready to go. My favorite pants weren't washed and my allergies were so bad I couldn't wear my contacts. I had to wear the pants that were clean and my nerd-goggles(glasses) but, hey, my hair looked great! Since I didn't know where he lived we decided to meet at the St. George Temple Visitor Center. He walked around the corner and WOW...HANDSOME!!! He even brought me a Diet Coke.

Rob and I went to dinner at a mexican restaurant and did a lot of talking. We continued talking instead of a movie and I didn't want to go home. With promises of phone calls and another date he dropped me off at my car. The next day I was headed back to St. George to watch my dad's team play basketball and invited him and the kids to the game. Another successful date!

From that time on we were inseparable. Any spare moment we had was spent together, on the phone or I.M.ing. After a while I decided this guy had to be a permanent part of my life. We'd talked about the possibility of marriage and what that ment. I'm not the most patient person when I want something and I wanted him. After some thought I decided to propose and make him all mine. The proposal didn't go as smoothly as planned but after a few "Your s*^tting me"s he said yes. Thank heavens! I was starting to panic.

We were married June 2, 2006 in the Canyon Park in Cedar City, UT. It was a small and beautiful ceremony with a fun barbeque after. Our kids were involved in the whole process and felt special.

That was the day that His and Mine became OURS. We're now a blended family with 10 kids, 3 dogs, 5 chickens, 2 ducks and a fish. And, we couldn't be happier! We don't pretend that things are always easy, life is chaos, times are good and bad. We are who we are, nothing spectacular, which makes Just Us Nording's.